Thursday, April 24, 2014

I am Not

I am Not

We all try to live and be like him
What if he was you
Could you heal or free them from sin
What could your priesthood do?

"Please, If thou wilt, thou canst make me clean."
A leper man cries
But you were at the party scene
You walk and say goodbye

A man thought he could walk on the ocean
Peter starts to sink
He yells for your saving motion
Can you put down your drink?

She suffers much and she bleeds a lot
Its how she was born
Your words of peace come to a stop
As you dream of your porn

They look up to you as pure and white
Clean without a spot
Could you bear the thought and or sight
To tell them you are not

        We've all had moments where we have been called upon and we aren't exactly prepared or ready for that calling. I'm not talking about just spiritual stuff. Think about moments in school where you were called to turn in your homework and you either didn't do it or forgot it. My home was really close to my Jr. High so if I would forget something at home, I would just tell my teacher I'd be back right quick and then I'd run home. I eventually worked out a deal with some teachers that if I would grab them a coke or pepsi on my way back, they wouldn't
tell on me. I wasn't complaining.
        When I was in elementary when they were trying to get us kids to enjoy having a planner. We were supposed to have our parents sign it off for us to show that we did it. I didn't do it so much that I eventually started forging my parents signatures so I would stop getting docked grade points.
        Are you ready to be called upon? I have these biblical instances in this poem where Christ was called upon by others to preform. What if He couldn't do what the people had faith He could do? What if he was more like us as wasn't always ready to be called upon? One night when I was actually home. If I remember it right, it was either really late or I was really tired so I was in bed when I got a phone call from my mom. Half out of it I answered the phone and she sounded kind of strained. She had fallen and split her head on a dresser and was wanting me to take her to the hospital, what if I wasn't sober enough to drive? What if I was out partying with a lady and wasn't able to answer my phone? I was literally called upon to be able to act. What
if I couldn't?
When I was younger my parents signed me up for a snowboarding class. 
I'm not bragging but me and my brother were the better ones of the class. Once we road up to the top of the mountain with our class and we kind of left the group cause we didn't want to wait for the small ones eating the yellow snow. A small group of kids came with us (we got in trouble for that) and we just left the group. One of the younger kids didn't have a pair of goggles and he kept falling over or hitting things cause he was basically riding with his eyes closed. He asked if he could use my goggles for the rest of the run. What if I didn't have any goggles like him? I feel like this is a Boy Scout training...
        Lastly, I had graduated from high school and was visiting my home ward. Right before worship services started a priest aged boy came and asked me to help bless the sacrament because they didn't have enough people to do it all. What if I wasn't worthy for that calling? It wasn't like home work where I knew what was coming and I procrastinated. The call came from out of no where from a kid I didn't really talk to. Just like when my mom called, I didn't get a heads up that day by her telling me to be ready to take her to the hospital. What if the kid snowboarding with me didn't trust me enough to ask me for my goggles? Or what if I didn't have any goggles to give? What if Christ wasn't ready, trusted enough or worthy enough to do the things the people asked him to do? Are you ready to be called upon by you friends, family or God?

Thursday, April 10, 2014

He Was Me

Socially awkward was his prey
As he looked round the school
He would humiliate others
To show his friends He's cool

He couldn't hurt their physical
He was to small for that
So instead of fists he used his words
And He let them know they're fat

She had asthma so he mocked her
He laughed at her wet tears
Grabbed his thought he coughed and choked
She moved away that year

A student ran down the hall way
He gently slid his shoe
Tripped their feet and they smacked their head
They cried, "what's wrong with you?"

One kid had his parents split
He made the bully mad
The kid walked by and the bully said,
"My mom still loves my dad."

One doesn't need muscles or size
To hurt others you see
This kid left his bruises inside
And that kid, he was me.

I am not joking, this kid was me. Each one of those stanzas were specific people that I hurt while I was in school. It's not something I am proud of. But, let me explain why I am saying all this. I'm not shooting for self pity or anything, life happens and those moments are what they are and they happened.

(The point of this is I'm the shorter one in the front...)
        So for those of you who actually know me, yes I have rippling muscles and in the words of Gaston from the horror film, beauty and the beast, "I have biceps to spare." With all these wonderful features that I have, height, is not one of them. Nor is bodily girth. Neither do I have muscles to spare...I'm just trying to make myself feel better okay! Moving on, my point is, I was never the bully you thought of in school. The big red head kid who would turn kids upside down for their lunch money, give wedgies and shake the ground with every step he took. (I probably could have hid in most peoples shadows.) So me being that bully was right out. But, I would consider myself quick witted so teasing them and making fun of them, that I can do. 

(I typed in bully and a red head came up.
 Y'all know I speak truth.)
        Letting the kid know he was fat, he was my locker neighbor in Jr. High. His name was Kyle and he probably could have crushed me like a bug. Long story short, he upset me and for the rest of Jr. High I would tease him about his body weight. Eventually he put me in a head lock to let me know he was bigger and when he was doing this I chocked out, "Please, don't eat me!" Me and my friends would sing this when he walked by, "I feel the earth move, under my feet. I feel the sky tumbling down." I think it's from a real song, but, thats all I got.
        The girl with asthma. This was about.....4th grade? Somewhere around there. Her name is Melissa. One day she had an asthma attack and literally turned blue. In all honesty, it was scary. I don't remember why I did this, but one day while we were out at recess I decided to be funny. She walked passed me and I started chocking and gasping for air. I grabbed my throat and fell to the ground spazzing out and pretending I was dying. Yeah, I made her cry and then she moved away sometime later and I never got to say I'm sorry.
        I'll just sum up the other two so I can get to the point of this here bloggage. The person running down the hall. I tripped them, they got rug burn on their arms and face. I got in trouble, but, me having the quick mind I did, I lied and got them in trouble too saying they were mean to me so thats why i was mean back. In school, a kid has his parents split and he did something to annoy me so I yelled something around the lines of, "At least I have a mom and dad to go home to." Yeah....low blow huh? It makes sense cause I'm short :D Not
appropriate?....moving on.

        Once upon a time, there was a man who was asked to go and do something. When he let people know who he was and what he was to do, they mocked him and made fun of him. "Who are you? Your father is a poor man! How is someone like you going to be able to do something so great if your father didn't amount up to much either? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." And commence the LOLing. (The laughed out loud at him.) After a while, this man had amounted up to something and had started doing great things. People still made fun of him and LOLed at him. "You think you can do what? Why don't you just go home, no one likes you, no one cares about you and no one can do the things you say you can. You're not what you claim you are, get out of here." They hunted him down relentlessly, scoffed  at him, scourged him, spit upon him and made fun of him. Are y'all starting to realize who this is? In the end, when they had brought him to the point of death, they still made fun of him. "If you are so great, why don't you get yourself out of this mess? If you can heal the sick and raise the
dead, if you are prophesied in the scriptures to come and save the world, why can't you even save yourself?" (Luke 4:21-22 8:52-53 & Matt:35-44)

        This bullying isn't something new, it has been around for a very long time. I feel safe in saying, I am not the only one who has cut others down. Think of times where you have torn down someone. Wether it was their physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. Weather it was in their face publicly, online anonymously or with your friends privately. God knows everything you have done, He sees everything you do, and He knows everything you can do. And He loves you. He loves me even though I have made his children cry. He loves me even though I sin daily. He loves me for all my imperfections, don't you think He loves your enemy's just as much as He loves you? For those of you who see the good in others and see all the bad in yourself, if He loves them, don't you think He loves you too? So for all of us who hurt one another, lets follow the prophetic statement of an Apostle of The Lord and, "Stop it." This life is hard enough with out us hurting one another. Lift up those that have fallen, strengthen those with feeble knees and catch those who are about to quit. In the words of a Mormon Hymnal, "United we stand. Divided we fall." Wait, that's by Pink Floyd...a mission does things to you.

        "There is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment. We are not perfect. The people around us are not perfect. People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life it will always be that way. Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord's way. Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive. Lay your burden at the Savior's feet. Let go of judgment. Allow Christ's Atonement to change and heal your heart. Love one another. Forgive one another. The merciful will obtain mercy." (The Merciful Obtain Mercy)

        In closing I wish to quote on last song, "What the world needs now, is love, sweet love, it's the only thing that there's just to little of." So be the good you wish to see in the world. A smile is just as infectious as a frown, so spread it around and lets make this world and our lives a better place.

(Just to make endings happy, I didn't see Missy until college. From elementary to college I didn't see her. Until I was at college roaming through the halls trying to find out who lived on our floor. Knocked on one door with my roommates and the ladies let us in. I recognized one, "Missy?!" and she said my name in shock  I hit the ground on my knees, "I AM SO SORRY!" And now we are good friends! (:    )

(My friend Missy and her roommates in college)